If I were an animal from the African savanna, I would probably be a wildebeest.
This isn’t the game from 3rd grade, “if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?” No… that is an entirely different game. That’s a great game. (Let’s play that one for a second. If I could be any animal on the savanna, I would be an elephant. They’re big and strong, basically without predators. They live up to sixty years, and they roll in families so someone always has their (broad) backs. Alert: they have trunks! If that wasn’t enough, they are incredibly intelligent. They celebrate births and mourn their dead, returning to the grave site for years. They can run, swim, and eat whatever they want, because why not? They’re elephants. I would definitely choose elephant.)
No no, when I say I would be a wildebeest, it’s from the game of, “if God was not merciful and had chosen to make you an animal dependent on instinct and physical prowess to survive, what would you be and why?” I would be a wildebeest. Let me explain.
First, there aren’t just hundreds of them, there are millions. The African plains are crawling with wildebeest. I have rarely seen a million of something, and looking across the landscape was staggering. Never again will I cry watching national geographic when a lion takes down a wildebeest. You’ll find me standing up and cheering like it’s the Super Bowl, “Yeah! C’mon, champ! You can do it! Get ‘em!” Now I know: wildebeest are a dime a dozen. Lions are scarce and skilled. There are approximately 100 wildebeest to every one lion, judging by my own highly sophisticated estimation. So I’m rooting for the lion every chance I get.
Second, wildebeest are not very smart. They will run a certain distance, then quickly forget why they are running, even when being chased. They follow each other. “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it?” If you were a wildebeest you definitely would, no questions asked.
To make matters worse, wildebeest are both ugly and not very fast. Have you looked a wildebeest in the eye? It’s like someone with a twisted sense of humor decided to cross a cow with a warthog, then dipped it in mud and gave it puny little legs. The baby ones are even uglier.
Finally, I would most certainly be a wildebeest because they cannot see nor hear very well. Because they can’t tell when a predator is coming, they have to rely on the zebra to know when to run. Apparently the only thing that sticks out on those grasslands are the zebras black and white stripes.
Yes. *Sigh.* I would be a wildebeest.